magnifique lo

Why?

Why spend time thinking when you already know what you want?

Quack pt. 2

You know how sometimes when you’re on a rough patch, and everything you do just seems to make it worst?

You just wish you could CTRL + ALT + DEL the whole experience, clear your cache, and hopefully get things off on a right note all over.

I’m going through that.

This is as low a point as I’ve ever been.

I know I’m wrong. I’m not the most righteous bastard around. But what happened to encouragement? It just seems that people are giving up on me, harping on my faults and errors and not giving me a chance to change.

They don’t even have faith in me.

I really don’t know how am I going to go about this. I just feel like, now, the only people in the world who can give me that encouragement are my family.

I have disappointed Freya. Over and over again. She doesn’t deserve a crook.

She has had enough. She doesn’t have faith that I will change. She doesn’t think that there is a bone in me that’s willing to be submissive.

The person I love the most, more than anything else, subtly hinting that she has given up. A thinly-veiled shot at saying, “Screw this up, and I’m out.”.

“You are never scared, trust me.”.

“If we quarrel again, 90% I’m the one giving in.”.

A low blow. A parting kick to the groin when I’m on the floor. It’s like spitting in my face, short of telling me, “You will never change you egotistical pig.”.

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It’s brutal, man. I’ve never had someone made me so afraid of my flaws, that I’m too scared or worried to even speak for fear of exposing them. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells with soccer boots.

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But I will change. I will do it. With or without whoever, whatever. Freya, you will just have to wait and see.

Quack.

Living life on the edge, sometimes, makes living life a beautiful experience.